I still remember one of my girl friends excitedly telling me after choir practice that S wanted to take me to his senior prom. I was a sophomore. S was smart, athletic, musically gifted, and handsome. Flattered, I told her I’d go to prom with him — and that was that. He never actually asked me. And perhaps that should have been telling.
He ended up being my first for many things. My first boyfriend. The first boy I’d said “I love you” to (the thought of calling him my “first love” makes me want to vomit). He took my virginity. And then, one night, he completely took away my innocence. He drove me home one night, but instead of pulling up to my house he parked a few blocks away. I had fallen asleep during the drive and woke up when his car stopped. Confused, I asked why he had parked. He told me to get out and pulled me towards his car’s rear cargo area, kissing me and then pushing me onto my back. I told him I wanted to go home but he climbed on top of me, the full weight of his 200-pound body pressed against mine. He pulled my pants down as I began to cry, begging him to stop, trying in vain to push his body off of mine.
The rest of that night is a blur.
We kept dating. He moved to the US (we grew up in Japan) and we’d write (snail mail!) letters to each other. My letters grew fewer and farther between; his letters grew angrier and angrier. When I’d call him, he’d yell at me for not writing more often. A year into our relationship I finally found the courage to end it.
A few years later, I sat down at a bus stop on the University of Washington campus, too tired to walk the two miles back to my house. And there he was. I had no idea he was attending college there too. We made some small talk, and then he said, “I was a real jerk to you, wasn’t I.” I pressed my lips together and replied, “Yep.” He asked if we could exchange numbers and possibly hang out some time. I shook my head and said, “No.” I’d already given him more time than he deserved. “OK, genius.” That was his pet name for me: genius.
I stood up, and walked home.
Spilled Tea 